Set fire on the bridge
As music paused
When streams of intimate heat
still lingers
on the silent notes of "El unico"
Drink my breathe
Block away your yearnings
Have you tasted the struggle
deep in virgin petals?
We are the gap between each word
The single moment of intensity
Hope became just a hope
And love is awfully shallow
Chew the flow
of "Milonguea del Ayer"
to a new depth
of weightlessness
As eternity touches
two true souls
You are not the same you
I'm not the same me
***
She knows it's wrong. She's glad it's wrong.
If it takes a whole life for a man to understand a woman, it probably takes longer for a woman to understand herself, the smarter the worse...
But why would a girl with sharp intellect marry a wrong guy?
Q. For money?
A. Maybe not. (for some other women maybe)
Q. For her ex-boyfriend wanted to come back that stirred her emotions again?
A. A lie or a wound will stay and will repeat again. She is smart enough to know she won't take him back. It's over.
Q. For a fairytale prince that gives her a life of a princess?
A. A smart woman won't bother.
Q For a hope?
A. Definitely not. She may be capable of creating hope for others and herself.
Q. For excitement?
A. To the contrary, it's the "Death of Excitement".
Q. For being hopeless and exhausted with life at some point?
A. 50% correct.
Q. For being smart and being a woman at the same time is a crime?
A. 80% right. Sentence these women to capital punishment.
Q. For hitting a wall or a ceiling somewhere?
A. 100% true.
Q. But still, WHY?
A. ....... And yet, WHY NOT ?
Here's how it happened. Career Woman and the Fairy Tale.
What are u talking about? Career woman? Fairy tale? The 2 extremes never blend. It's like putting together "a Monk" and "Great Sex".
When we were little girls, we dreamed of a prince on a white horse taking us to a castle, and live happily forever. But if life put you in a role of career woman, romance is simply out of the question. Does she want it? She tells herself she doesn't. Why think of something she has no luck for?
But one day, a Prince knelt before her with a ring. He was refined, charming, handsome, hopelessly romantic, and almost perfect. He offered her a fairytale wedding and a life of a fragile princess forever.
Suddenly she realized, she has been living to the expectations of the men's world. She has to be stronger than any man, smarter than any man, and she has to win over men by playing according to the men's logic and rules of the game. (Because man can only understand their own logic and ideologies, they think it's good. But it's not always logical for a woman.)
She never cried. How strange?
She is afraid of showing anyone she can cry. She has no right to tears.
She can't afford mistakes because she knows in a business world ruled by men, a man's mistakes will sometimes be forgiven, but not a woman's. When every man wants to tear this woman down, wants to see how she falls from the top, she is forced to perform even when she is tired.
But then, this prince appears, he offered her the RIGHT to weakness. She was just so exhausted and wanted a shoulder.
Now, she is torn between a princess and a professional woman. A dreadful feeling arises.
Using a male's logic, she compiled a stupid SWOT analysis of whether she WILL or WILL NOT accept the offer:
|
STRENGTH ¨ He loves me ¨ I don't love him ¨ Private Jet, Real Estates, $$$ ¨ Stay away from parents ¨ Stay away from shit at work ¨ Plenty of free time |
WEAKNESS ¨ I don't love him ¨ My heart dies inside ¨ I don't need much money ¨ He's got a WITCH mother ¨ Can't go to KEE or Drop anymore ¨ I can't be myself ¨ Need to behave ¨ He's too perfect ¨ I hate manners in rich family ¨ Socialize with rich people ¨ The house is too big, I'm scared ¨ Can't be crazy anymore ¨ Far away from friends ¨ Damn boring life ... | |
|
OPPORTUNITY ¨ I don't love him so I won't get hurt ¨ Start my own businesses with ease ¨ Help the poor |
THREAT ¨ Break some expensive antiques ¨ I need to love someone so I will leave him eventually ¨ No enjoyment when things come too easily ¨ Big fight with his witch mother ¨ Can't observe their manners ¨ Romantic sweet talks won't last ¨ Can't wait to get a divorce | |
|
|
|
|
But ALL her friends tell her to marry the prince....why?
HOWEVER, life is about funny twists.
One night, she had dinner with a few old classmates. While she could still recall how they hanged out as innocent girls, some are now having kids or about to give birth in a month or so. She looked at her girlfriends and their husbands. They gained 30 to 40 pounds, didn't care about how they look, and their kids screamed on the table.
"You gotta to wash yourself with ginger skin water after giving birth..." "Which hospital do you go to?" "This brand of diapers is softer...." "This is the baby snack my son loves, pumpkin flavor...." "He learned to say 'ma ma' 2 weeks ago..." "This brand of milk doesn’t have Omega-3...." Motionless, she kept eating her food and felt like an alien herself.
She asked her friends a stupid question, "How's it like to get married? Anything changed?" They told her, "Well, it's all the same as before..."
Really? The "same"? SHE WAS TERRIFIED !!!
She started to work on another list of what she wants now:
|
I want Being crazy Freedom To love someone Be loved back A crazy boyfriend To be a great girlfriend To make mistakes Great sex My own adventures To be a kid Sweet talks Feeling beautiful Naughty lover |
I DON'T want To Get Married To Get Married To Get Married To Get Married To Get Married To Get Married To Get Married To Get Married To Get Married To Get Married Diaper talks 30 pounds Have a screaming kid with someone I don't love |
The idea of being a PRINCESS is too absurd for her now. It takes a professional suicide and the suicide of her carefree life...
She thinks… it'll soon be her birthday, “Why ruin a good day?”
****
I want to share a story of unconditional love and true beauty.
Here's the piece of news from reuters.
Fourteen-year-old Miu Chi-ho died from brain injuries after being hit by a bus several days ago, but doctors were able to save the heart, lungs, kidneys, liver, skin, bones and corneas of the healthy and athletic teen-ager.
"There were at least seven recipients of the organs," said a spokeswoman with Hong Kong's Hospital Authority.
Miu's 41 year-old mother, a single parent on social welfare, ignored the protests of superstitious relatives in insisting on the donations to "bring hope to other families," Hong Kong's Apple Daily newspaper reported Friday.
"Even though I'm devastated, I want to do something for society," the paper quoted her as saying. "(My son) is very great. Even though he's left us ...
You know Alice? No?
Yes, that Alice. Modern, sophisticated and confident.
Sick of romantic stories, she fell in love with the loneliness in a big crowd and the glamorous emptiness of Central.
As usual, she started to get drunk in FINDS. And slowly, she felt stupid and dizzy. Suddenly, she saw a group of bar-hopping bunnies in tux bounced by, and they hurriedly hopped to D-i and KEE. Burning with curiousity, she followed one bunny tux all the way down to this WONDERLAND.
Drunk and tumbling, she saw people in the place all with big white tags hanging down their chests. And her own tag wrote, "Miranda + Charlotte + Carrie". And she thought, "SHIT!" She wanted to be Cinderella since she was a kid. And neither Miranda, Charlotte, nor Carrie seemed to be happy. It's always happier to be a princess with no brain at all.
Or, for a man in this place, the tag of any girl is nothing but a "PUSSY".
She looked around. Came a gentleman-like banker, wrote on his tag beautiful capitals, "DRINK ME". Another gorgeous man flirted Alice with his charming eyes, carried a tag that said "EAT ME". Alice was fascinated, "Since when did we have truth in bars?"
A supermodel in Armani suit started to talk to Alice, "Honey, you are curvy," followed by a line she hated most, "Oh dear, from where did you get this gorgeous arse?"
"I know. I bought it from supermarket yesterday." she replied when she checked out his tag that marked "Fancy a fuck?" She smiled, pulled out a pen and started to write on the tag of this supermodel, "SHORT DICK, BIG EGO."
Yet, the Charlotte in her was crying. She had this love bubble that bursted faster than the tech one weeks ago. It led her to re-evaluate herself. Being a good girl wasn't easy. In investment terms, her long position incurred great loss. The reason could be, the market shifted to speculations on some short term JVs.
She felt good by herself for years, but once invested her feelings, her whole life changed. Maybe she should be a speculator as well. No pain, no trouble.
While she was thinking, a 193cm, 6-pack handsome boy hooked her up with a mouthful of sweet talks. On his tag wrote BOLD numbers "22".
And "24"?
She knew she has nothing in common with this "22". Which is good. Just like a speculative stock, she didn't need to understand anything about him. He's just a ticker symbol. And she could change to nothing more than a number. That's all. And "22" is really crazy for her.
At this very moment, she started to understand why the market went for a speculative JV. She felt sorry for this boy. And she felt sorry for herself.
Setting up 5 dates in a row is a bad idea.
(Yeah, better date 10 ... HAHAHA)
Gotta cancel them cos' I'm sure they will remind you more of the person you can dance and talk with chemistry.
Unlike men, who can jerk off their problems, women will let problems linger and repeat in their minds.
Yes, we are stupid human beings.
I remembered whenever I have emotional turmoils, there will be a ghost that rang me up dozens of times everyday but will hang up immediately as soon as he/she heard my voice. That led me to think either there has something to do with fate, or ghost, or whatever. And it followed me during the extire 3-year waiting. Yes, it's fucking tiring. (I can be damn sure I'm sane cos' all my colleagues know about it.)
**
This time the phone doesn't ring. And suddenly, I feel so lonely.
It helped me to think.
**
How many times will dramas and traumas repeat itself, and how I'm repeatedly stupid. Is this how we exhaust our lives?
Just like jumping, it will never end. So I tried to figure out the equation of our destiny. This could be the potential choices we have in our entire lives (P), times the ratio of tendency that we will feel exhausted by jumping (R). This will determine when are we going to settle down and hug what we have. So it goes like:-
_______________
Destiny = P x R
_______________
It's not like that. We jumped, we are tired and take a nap. And we jump again.
But after all these, the most important thing could be: we lived, we learned and we experienced.
This time I learned selfless love.
I have no regret.
Drama is no more drama in a city like this.
Say, your date tells you he will go for another girl. Even if this piece of news hit you hard, it’s just so easy to fix up 5 other dates in 30 minutes.
**
Perhaps there are always too many choices available that we all ended up in frustration anyway. Everything starts too fast, goes too fast and ends too fast when we can easily jump to something new the next minute. We jump before we want to see something clearly enough.
**
But what are we chasing after? The best? Or “more”?
**
If being loyal is to live in traumas, will it feel better to be a bitch that fools around? I bet either way sucked.
**
We are all uprooted.
**
It's just hard to know what is right for us in this life journey of trial & error and making decisions (especially wrong ones). Something strange is, we need to live long enough to know it's wrong AGAIN.
**
I imagined when I become 40 something, after all these dramas and traumas, still the Top 5 stupid things in my mind (subject to change) could be:
**
1. Shit! I should have married Vincent
2. Why didn’t I go for that fucking MBA?
3. It’s too late to have kids
4. Will I be the next one to die of cancer?
5. I should be a bitch 15 years ago !!
***
I just can't tell right and wrong. Perhaps in a heartless city like this, we are fast to forgive those who let us down (Perhaps it's just because I'm too inexperienced and make too much of everything). We can soon learn to live in this bizarre way. " You jump, I jump" as in Titanic. And are we all going to become devils?
**
I have lost my balance now.
Stunning!!
I had a beautiful encounter with these great works at KAMPA PARK, on the river bank of Prague.
The unique open-air exhibition features the Land of the Beautiful Unknown (Zeme krásná neznámá). I'd better shut up. Enjoy.
Photographer: Yann Arthus-Bertrand.
(Source: yannarthusbertrand.org)
Check out Yann Arthus-Bertrand's Websites:
I can finally laughed. For an inexperience heart like me, how many tears did it take to move this stubborn, stupid rock in me? And then it takes me one minute to wake up, 3 years later. I feel stupid.
It's the first time I really dare laying out a P/L sheet. I'm losing too much, and gaining much. I gained myself back. I'm really grateful. Well, but life is unknown. Inner (or outer) beauty doesn't equal to luck. The good thing is, I'm jumping from one unknown to another.
But anyway, with so many to give, it feels good to say "I'll save it for the next lucky (or unlucky) one." It feels like a BIRTHDAY today !!
***
Happy Birthday, and cheers!!
